MY UNDERSTANDING OF GOD IN VARIOUS STAGES OF MY LIFE

Introduction The initiation into Christianity through baptism was not just putting me into the fold but the introduction to God, when my mind was not capable of comprehending even the ontological aspect of myself. No sooner did I become capable of grasping the things or persons around then the various idols of gods were thrashed into me. Having their pros and cons, these idols have influenced my lifestyle a lot. Hence I will delve into my past and present to bring out how my understanding of Gpd has evolved. Hulky God When I was 3 or 4 years of age, my parents taught me not only to join hands and close the eyes and thus nurturing the seed of faith but also God who was like a hulk, huge in form dwelling beyond the sky. Here, unconsciously or unintentionally I was introduced to god for whom we were just tiny creatures. God, who was beyond my reach. Hence whenever I joined the hands or closed the eyes I could not create any fatherly image rather an image of a giant before whom I was standing like an ant. Magician God When I was more or less 5 or 6 years of age, I came across God who captivated my little mind and left me marveled and amazed. In my catechism classes too I was taught that God created everything. God said, “let there be and it was.” Just like the magician who lifted his hat and lo behold there was a rabbit out of nothing. The creation story, story of Abraham and Isaac, story of Moses etc motivated me to join the classes on the regular basis. Here God became answer for everything that was in the universe. HE became most powerful and almighty. HE was the only creator and hence the gods of people of other faiths were false. They were not gods. Slowly the understanding transformed into such a strong belief that I thought; only Christians worshiped true God. Policeman God As I started my schooling, during the same period of time I was introduced to the policeman god or the watchman god. Who kept constant watch over me, so that I never do anything wrong. And if I did I would be punished. To certain extent it helped me to be a good boy. Especially to be away from stealing, telling lies, speaking ill of someone. This concept had certain moral and ethical influences on me. At the same time I had developed fear for if I had done something wrong which was not pleasing to Him then I would be punished. By this time I had also developed the concept of heaven and hell. Hence I would be sent to hell if I had broken the 10 commandments. Racist God As I grew and became more mature boy, my understanding of salvation became rigid. I do not quite distinctly remember how I developed the understanding that only Christians would get salvation. On the Day of Judgment all the others would be doomed for they did not recognize the only savior; they have been worshiping false gods and idols. I would be saved for I was a Christian chosen by God. The dhobi and Paracetamol God When I reached to my teenage, the understanding of loving and caring God did developed. Nevertheless the image of prodigal father had great impact on me. My god was a forgiving God hence I did not have to worry for whatever I did, HE would surely forgive me. HE would wash away my sins and make me as white as snow. HE would not allow me to be a strayed. If I did so HE would bring me back and accept me. Another image I developed was that God was always there to help me out in my difficulties and troubles. Hence I would run to Him whenever I had problem. HE would work a miracle and do away with it. When there was no problem I did not require him. In my happy time neither I disturbed Him not HE would poke his nose. So God became like paracetamol tablet when I had headache I would take it and my pain disappeared. God of all When I came to high secondary school, I had privilege to have friends from all major religions, Hinduism, Jainism, Islam and Sikhism. These friends had contributed a lot to change my images of racist god to God of all. Though I did not know much about theses religions except the names of Gods and Holy Scriptures, all I knew for sure was that God was and is one. He loved/loves everyone equally irrespective of cast creed and colour. Neither I nor they had any problem sitting with each other and having food and water. We participated in religious festivals and at times in the rituals. Thus I came to realization of indiscriminating God who manifested himself in different ways according to the different cultures. God working trough Agents Earlier I used to question God for all the havoc, upheaval, chaos that was in the world. Today I have realized that it’s me who has to work for peace and harmony. God has unique ways to call each one of us for different tasks. It was my working with Gurjarvani [centre for communication] on a vocation movie, where I heard God calling me to be his instrument among the poor people of south Gujarat. I had gone to south Gujarat to give some shots. There I came across the tribal and their challenging lives. They were totally unjustly treated and deprived of basic human rights. I saw God working there trough some committed and dedicated Jesuits for the empowerment and well being of the tribal. I really saw God slogging and laboring for the just and equal society. God is not just for the reach people but also found dwelling with those who required the basic necessity for a good dignified life. Hence I felt the urge within, God calling me to labour with him. Friendly God After joining the society the concept of God changed drastically. Now HE did not remain dwelling outside but within me. HE became a friend who was always with me in all the circumstances whether I was happy or sad. The sharing did not remain one way traffic rather it became reciprocal. The desire for mutual companionship is fulfilled in HIM and perhaps a common bond of love. In HIM I find freedom of choice, accountability, truth and forgiveness. This friendship becomes tactual in the Eucharist when I receive the Holy Communion. God manifests his love to me through all people and to people through me. Today God has become part and parcel of my life. Conclusion After coming to JDV and attending the classes my understanding has not changed but my faith in God is been purified and has become more strong. Even today God remains loving, caring and friendly to me. Specially learning the different idols I realized that how I had been worshiping them. The course on the Indian religion has helped me to broaden my understanding of different religion and appreciate the richness of each one of them. Simultaneously it has helped me to understand my religion in much better way. I do not necessitate any proofs to believe in God nevertheless reason does play a role. The God I believe in his very much active in each one of us and not passive, God who loves every human being equally. God who is unique thence likes to manifest himself in unique ways to all of us. To conclude, god is love and we all are embodiment of love. Therefore God manifests himself through all of us when we love each other. When we love each other we become fully human and fully alive. PARMAR NAVNEET

A VISIT TO BTC,PUNE

SOUND OF SILENCE

"O" Sound of silence;

How powerful thou art is!

thou has stirred me within,

And left me disturb.

"O" Sound of silence;

How eye-opener thou art is!

thou has un-enveloped my heart within,

And made me contemplative.

"O" Sound of silence;

How rejuvenating thou art is!

thou has transformed me within,

And gave me life afresh.

NAVNEET

A Report on a Journalism Course.

The intensive journalism and creative writing workshop was held in Premal Jyoti from May 3rd to 13th. There were sixteen participants including four sisters from all over India. Fr. Ambrose the main organizer made this course possible with the collaboration of Fr. Varghese Paul. Fr. Varghese Paul, being the main resource person took the full charge of the workshop and introduced us to the overview of journalism. The afternoon session was allotted for the professionals working in the field. Hence Ms. Ayesha Khan, Fr. Vinayak s.j , Mr. Yashwant Mehta, Ms. Jumana Shah and Mr. Paul John shared their experiences and gave inputs for the effective practice of journalism. Each participant wrote the letters to the Editor of various news papers. Many of them were thrilled and excited on finding their letters in the following day news papers. The exposure in the printing media was completed by the visit to the Anand Press and Gujarat Shahitya prakash. Keeping the presents trends and signs of time in mind even a session on the electronic media was included, which gave the total satisfaction to us the youngsters. By the end of the workshop each one had developed the nose for news reporting and creative writing. The workshop was called off with the publication of two magazines “BUDS” and “PEN WISE” and a solemn Eucharist.         Navneet Parmar. 

life captured in radhanpur

"WTINKLING STAR"

Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are, Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky.

“How pleasant it is to be here on the terrace, so fresh and cool air, the open sky, Rahul, my brother, I want to be like that star .Its so bright that attracts everyone’s attention. So bright that provides light and earns praises hence everyone strives to be like it.” “Rohit, I wish I could see that star. The star you wanna be. You have a sky full of twinkling stars. But mine full of darkness, no star, no moon and no light.” Rohit and Rahul are twin brothers born to Mitesh and Monna. Mitesh is a software engineer in a huge computer producing firm, NELL. Monna was a higher secondary teacher in JnanaVidyalaya. She had left the job soon after Rohit and Rahul were born. She had to do so, so that she could give full attention, care and love specially to Rahul. Rohit was born healthy but Rahul, who would never reralise what a light is. What a shining is. What a twinkling is. “Mitesh , now we should seriously think of putting Rahul in Andhjan Manav Mandal. There he will learn Braille and will communicate and correspond effectively…” “No… never say it again.’ Mitesh reacted angrily . “why? He can’t study with other boys, during the exams he can always have a scribe.’ “Mitesh, Mitesh… Please try to understand. Now both have come to 5th standard. And the study is becoming harder and harder. How long Rohit will remain with him. Rohit has to think about his study and career.” “Mummy…Mummy… I wana go to my friends house. I will be back within an hour.” O.K. but Rohit, take your brother along...” No mum. The roads are too busy and its almost impossible to cross the roads. So please let him be in the house. I will surely come back within an hour. I am just going to bring my math’s book.” “O.K. go and listen, come soon …..” “Thanks mommy” [After fifteen minutes a phone rings] “Hello…” “Hello...is Miteshbai at home?” “yes, Mitesh speaking.” “Mitesh, I am dr.Mankand Speaking. Please come to the Sterling Hospital as soon as possible.” “why? What happened? “please… you just come to the hospital.” [Emergency ward. The hospital.] Dr. Mankand: “Are you parents of Rohit?” Parents: “Yes, What happened to Rohit? Where is he doctor?” Dr. Mankand : “Rohit has met with an accident. He is seriously injured. We have kept him in the emergency ward. He has got severe head injury.” [They are taken into an emergency ward. Rohit’s head is bandaged and he is on ventilator.] Monna : Rohit, my son what happened. (Holding him closer to her chest.) Rohit : “Papa, mommy, I have a request to make.” Parents (together) : “Don’t worry , nothing will happen, yes you want anything…” (befor they could complete Rohit spoke) Rohit : “I wanna donate my eyes to my brother, Rahul.” [With these last words he dies. He is taken in to the operation theater.] [After few months. Rahul is on the bed in the hospital.] Dr. Mankand : “Rahul, whom would you like to see first?” Rohit : “The star, The brightest star. The twinkling star. Momm and Dad, please take me on the terrace. I would like to see that star. My brother. The brightest star among all the star.” [he is taken on the terrace. The bandage is removed from his eyes. Rohit slowly opens his eyes and sees the star and sings] “Twinkle twinkle little star…” Mital and Mitesh hugs him tightly and cries.
 Parmar Navneet.

Look before you leap

Look before you leap “Look before you leap” this may sound like an advice given to a person who is afraid of jumping in to current of life. However, in such matters as choosing one’s vocation in life - the most important of all decisions, a careful thought, prayer for God’s guidance, and seeking advice, are not cowardice but true wisdom. Hence, one needs to sit down and take stocks of resources before he begins to build a house. Does he have the means and materials to finish the structure or even lay the foundation? If not then there are two possibilities; gather materials or do not build a house. So one should have some idea of what type of ‘character material’ is needed for the religious vocation. At first you may think, “this is impossible for me, I do not have any of these qualities”. Perhaps you may not have those qualities, but most of them can be developed and acquired, if you are called by God and if you have determined to work things out. The qualities needed for the religious vocation cannot be attained at the very beginning itself. Like a flower or a tree, they grow slowly. Nevertheless, the good seed must be there, and we must tend and cultivate it. St. Ignatius says, “Even one has desire for the desire to join the society, should be admitted.” It is the work of a lifetime commitment. There is always more to do, always a higher peak to climb. So the most important thing in a religious vocation is the desire - an intense desire, to follow Christ and to do his will. This call is a grace from God. Fr Pedro Arrupe has aptly described what would be the sign of a true vocation. He said about himself, “more than ever, I now find myself in the hands of God; this is what I have wanted all my life from my youth. And this is still the one thing I want. Now there is a difference; the initiative is entirely with God. It is indeed a profound spiritual experience to know and feel myself so totally in his hands.” [Message of Fr, Arrupe to the society, 3-9-1983.] One who wants to join the Society of Jesus should have one ideal that is to serve the Lord and his church with all his heart, from the beginning to the end. He should possess an attitude of loyalty and filial obedience towards the church. He should be available to the Lord. He must put God at the center of his life. Though one may have all the intense desire and qualities, he has to fulfill certain requirements and commitments to the Lord and to the Society of Jesus. A soldier with weapons will withstand any attacks in a war, likewise a soldier of Christ needs weapons to fight against the evil forces in the world. The vows are the best weapons in the religious life. Vocation to religious life demands a total commitment and self-surrender. They are lived out by three vows, a vow of chastity, a vow of obedience, and a vow of poverty. These three vows are the very foundation of the religious life. Hence, we will see them one by one. Chastity The religious vocation is from God. Chastity is the renunciation of sexual expression of love, in a more physical sense of the word. It is abstaining all lust, both interior and exterior. The vow of consecrated celibacy is an act by which a divine perfection is being achieved by transcending sexual expression of love. In order to be a man of God, one renounces being a man of the world with the wish that nothing in life should be explained by anything or anyone except God. when the man of God turns back towards the world, he appears above all as the man with no family. He is the one who has found no home so that he may entirely belong to God, and by belonging to God, he belongs to all. The religious vocation is then the gift of self in a response to the call of God. Religious celibacy is a celibacy by which right to marriage is renounced however good that may be. It is a vocation embraced with complete freedom of the will. Poverty MT : 19 – 21. Jesus said to him “if you want to be perfect, go and sell all you have and give the money to the poor and you will have riches in heaven; then come and follow me.” Religious poverty is one of the pearls of the religious life. A good religious can be recognized among other things by his love of poverty. To belong to God unreservedly, it is necessary first to renounce the family and after that to renounce the right to private property. If worldly goods hold a place in one’s life then slowly God is relegated to a second place. The aspect of poverty which we have in mind here consists in having God alone holding first place in one’s life. The mark of a good religious is his renunciation of worldly goods. If any object is placed at his disposal, he is always ready to part with it, for God is the only being that his soul desires. Obedience Obedience, along with poverty is the backbone of community life. Obedience means, it is no longer to do one’s will but the will of God. A perfect religious, it is true, is so identified with God that he is no longer has a will of his own. Obedience is often presented as the arch characteristic of the Society of Jesus. Even one can be sent to the ends of the earth without previous notice. Obedience calls for the most radical detachment of self. Obedience is thus the essential instrument for dying to self. To a young man who wishes to be a Jesuit, Fr. Pedro Arrupe says; “Stay at home if this idea makes you unsettled or nervous, Do not come to us if you love the church like a step mother, rather than a mother; Do not come if you think that in doing so you will be doing the Society of Jesus a favor. Come if serving Christ is at the very center of your life. Come if you have broad and sufficient strong shoulders. Come if you have an open spirit, a reasonably open mind and a heart larger than the world. Come if you know how to tell a joke and can laugh with Others and…… on occasion you can laugh at yourself.”... NAVNEET